62: My guest is Mariah Freya, the founder of Beducated.com, which is a website and repository of online courses, resources, and tantric-infused concepts for more conscious sex. And today, Mariah stops by to share with you and demystify Yoni and Lingam massage, various aspects of how to have more conscious sex, and ultimately achieve what she calls ‘the final frontier of personal development’. This is important stuff to consider for a complete understanding of the potential of human sexuality, and so I invite you to listen along and learn.
Please note that I am an affiliate for Beducated, and if you purchase courses using links provided, I will earn a commission. Thanks for your support!
Conscious Versus Conventional Sex
Simply put by Mariah, conscious sex has more awareness and present-ness. It involves partners who are fully engaged and in tune with every sensation and moment of the act, and not disconnected. It is, in essence, mindful sex.
And what Mariah acknowledges the most is that many who have sex are just rushing through things, not so much consciously but out of fear and vulnerability. This makes it hard to actively seek to be present during sex, especially if you’re uncomfortable with your naked body and feel vulnerable. Conscious sex becomes less about quickly ‘achieving’ an orgasm and more so about experiencing the full engagement and sensation of your partner in a mindful, present way. Mariah devotes more time to explain within the episode if you want to know more.
Reasons for Fear of Sex
Mariah offers some explanations for the reasons why someone may detach themselves and not experience the act in a conscious manner. She states that it’s the act of being naked and shedding that layer of defense that we are so used to having. Because we are clothed more often than not, just the simple state of nakedness can make someone feel very insecure and as if something is not normal. That self-consciousness can detract away from conscious sex.
Also, Mariah states that a lot of time because of some ethical benchmarks we have carried with us or translate into the actions we take, we can often feel ashamed of our sexual desires and thus suppress them instead of exploring them in a conscious manner. This is very common. And Mariah offers more examples within the episode.
How to Have a More Positive Relationship with your Body
Mariah says it’s about redefining what beautiful means. A lot of our own body image is negatively reinforced because of the beauty industry or porn–where anatomical facets are inflated and exaggerated for idealistic effect.
In practice, this means faking it until you make it as far as positive body image goes. You can stand in front of the mirror and just notice all of the things about your body that you don’t like. You can then notice and acknowledge those feelings and work on reframing them in a positive manner. Ask yourself, ‘what do I like about my body? What do I really cherish?”
Sexuality as ‘The Last Frontier of Personal Development’
Mariah truly urges you to rethink sexuality and how important it is for loving yourself and expressing yourself, especially in the personal development realm. If we never develop sexually, we are not realizing a very crucial aspect of our humanity and a powerful avenue for self-expression.
Yoni and Lingam Massage
Both terms respectively have Sanskrit meanings: Yoni for Vagina and Lingam for penis. And as Mariah expounds upon, both have deeper, more descriptive meanings: Yoni means ‘the sacred temple’, and Lingam stands for “the wand of light”. And to start, it is through the positive connotations and attribution of the genitals with these descriptions that can help remove some of the negative stigmas some carry regarding their genitalia.
But Mariah also states that the Lingam massage is more than just a conscious hand job. It is spiritually healing and goes into a much more profound territory.
And it was through these practices and a tantric workshop in India that Mariah was really opened to the beauty, potential, and inner-activation of the discipline that unlocked a real sea change in her own sexual life. She goes into the autobiographical details during the episode and it’s really great!
From Numbness and Pain to Pleasure
Really, the whole point of these deliberately conscious sexual acts is to address a numbness or a trauma that shows up around the genitals. And once attention and energy have been devoted to that area, an awakening happens. It can come with pain, not so much physical pain but an emotional outpouring that translates into the potential for an overwhelming and profound pleasure.
A deeper connection with your body, partner, and your soul is achieved through this conscious activity.
Is All of This Obtainable for the Average Person?
Very much so! With a wealth of online courses, including Mariah’s course, anyone who is interested can get started. And for those who can travel, India is a hotspot for tantric activity and instruction.
Although, Mariah wants to stress that the word ‘tantric’ is highly marketable and buzzworthy right now, so a lot of erotic massages are being packaged as ‘tantric’. And as has been stated, these massages only focus on the pleasure aspect of the spectrum, which is not all that ‘tantra’ really focuses on. There is nothing wrong with erotic massage or pleasure, but to get the full experience, be wary that there’s more to it than that!
And she goes through some of the details of what’s involved with both the Yoni and Lingam online courses that she spearheads. Listen in for all of that, and follow the links below to check them out!
Support the show using these affiliate links for Mariah (I earn a small commission on your purchases):
The Bededucated website: https://beducated.com/mariah-freya/
The Yoni Massage Online Course: https://beducated.com/courses/yoni-massage/?ref=10313_pkgzh832
For the Lingam Massage Online Course: https://beducated.com/courses/lingam-massage/?ref=10313_pkgzh832
Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com
If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast
Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
Recent episodes from James Hamilton Healy (see all)
- 212: Performance Anxiety – David Khalili - January 17, 2022
- 211: Juicing up Your Sex Life – Alicia Davon - January 10, 2022
- 210: Colonization and its Impact on Modern Sexuality – Anne Mauro - January 3, 2022