My guest Amanda Testa is an expert in sex and love. She is the founder of Find Your Feminine Fire, which is a program that combines concepts from neuroscience and tantra. Utilizing her coaching experience and knowledge in the field, she aims to empower women to be more confident and sexually expressive.
As Amanda states during the episode, before she was a Sex, Love, and Embodiment coach, she worked in corporate sales. But after her daughter was born, Amanda decided it was best to stay home and take care of her. Despite the neverending busyness of motherhood, Amanda was given more time to pursue her passions in health and wellness. Eventually, she became a personal trainer and spearheaded Stroller Strides classes to help new mothers stay active and confident in their skin.
This was the crucial beginning that would soon unlock the potential she saw in herself, and which she knew other women deserved to unlock as well. This whole process is beautifully outlined in this episode, and it is absolutely worth your time and attention.
Sexuality As a Magical Key to Unlock Yourself
After having been a mother eighteen months or so, Amanda started to resent herself and her own sexuality. A common occurrence for mother’s, she was depressed, and was struggling with low self-esteem and that vicious cycle of negative perception. It was through sexuality that she found the empowering answers she was looking for: the magical key which unlocked that celebratory fire of femininity within her. Listen to hear her describe it in her own words!
Defining Feminine Fire
Amanda calls it a vibrancy, a radiance, energy that all women are born with. Sadly though, modern life always finds a way to distract women from tapping into that wellspring of femininity. Women are stifled, so busy with their everyday business, professional life, and intellectual growth, that for the most part, the fire is not stoked; it barely flickers.
But Amanda wants to stress that this fire is not restricted to certain genders. This energy is within all human beings, but because she works mainly with women, her focus is largely on the feminine side of the fire.
Interestingly though, Amanda discusses the sentiment of the Yin and Yang, and compares that to the feminine fire, stating that just like males have a percentage of the female Yang, so too do they have the feminine aspects of the “fire” within themselves. Much more is said about this during the episode. Really fascinating stuff! You won’t want to miss it.
Signs of Energy Imbalance || How to Fix Them
Being burned out, overwhelmed, rage, aggression, not talking to your spouse, or a mixture of emotions that tend to dominate the disposition on a consistent basis are all signs that your fire is out of whack. There are ways to fix this imbalance though, as Amanda lays out in the episode.
Reconnecting to your desires is one of the biggest steps towards rekindling your fire. Amanda suggests just sitting down and writing your desires out. It does not matter if your only desire in the entire world is to have a cup of coffee, as long as you are writing it down and conditioning your mind to start reconnecting with your desires, that is all that matters. She suggests that you force yourself to spend 10 minutes with this exercise on a consistent basis. You will be surprised at how tangibly your desires are fleshed out before you.
Another step is to reconnect with your senses again. Amanda suggests being mindful and purposefully spending the time to pay attention and to be present. By engaging the senses, you can deepen the connection between you and your fire. She says to try it for yourself: the next time you are eating, pay attention to the taste, the sensations, and derive as much enjoyment as possible from the act. This can, of course, be applied to the bedroom as well.
She goes into more detail in the episode. It is really great stuff that you won’t want to miss!
Fear Can Sit in the Backseat, But it Can’t Drive the Car
Amanda very importantly highlights the importance of acknowledging fears. It is so crucial to analyze a fear, let it have its say, but to not let it drive the car, so to speak. Being mindful of fear, just like reconnecting with senses through mindfulness, is a very powerful exercise. If we stifle fears, they drive our actions unconsciously. We want to be aware of them, but not let them win out.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel
This is the fifth and final step in Amanda’s process for finding your inner fire. Through it, Amanda wants to reinforce the concept that no feeling is off limits. Be open to any feeling, any reaction, any thought. You can’t connect with your inner energy if you don’t allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of sensations and emotions that arise.
She reminds us that our culture often only tells us that we are able to feel good emotions. And that is a terribly lopsided approach to experience life and develop as a person. We need both the good and the bad, so don’t be afraid to feel them.
Most Important Takeaway of the Episode
Amanda reassures listeners that it is no wonder we struggle with unlocking our inner fire; we have never been taught. So that fact relieves a lot of our burden. We shouldn’t feel guilty or behind in development. The good news is that these skills are learnable skills, and with enough practice are extremely doable. You just need to start small and transform your life from the inside out.
As always, there is much more said during the episode, especially about how these concepts relate to sexuality on a deeper level. Please check it out to absorb all of Amanda’s message.
Key Links for Amanda Testa
Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com
If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast
Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman