#54: Emily [Personal Story] – Asking for What You Want

Bi-Sexual Awakening
As early as 10 or 11, Emily felt that she was bi-sexual. Listen as she describes her evolution of feelings, relationships, and sexual interactions.

Coming of Age
At the age of 16, Emily felt ready for sex. Listen as she discusses her life experience in a small-town community. This smaller atmosphere created a sense of little-to-no options for her first sexual encounter.

Going to college, Emily was excited to find freedom for opportunities for relationships and sex. However, she describes her perspective as a return to her experience from her hometown, one of a smaller, closed group without many opportunities for a sexual partner.

College Life
An unrequited emotional infatuation places Emily in a difficult situation involving the pressures of feeling like a virgin and balancing the emotions within a “friends with benefits” situation. Hear Emily describe the evolution of this relationship as it develops and then abruptly comes to a close.

Turning Point
Self-reflection leads Emily to realize that her personal history demonstrates her inclination to pursuing relationships that would inevitably fail and at the same time help her avoid feeling a sense of rejection.

Listen as Emily discusses the development of this personal realization and then works on the personal and emotional change to engage in more positive relationships while accepting the reality of rejection.

Human Sexuality Class
Brave new frontier encouraged by a human sexuality project. Emily’s essay assignment was to do something that was new to her within the realm of sexuality. While the assignment was open to development based on the individual, Emily chose to open a profile on a dating app for more alternative lifestyles.

Emily identified as bisexual and was looking for a threesome. Listen as she describes the development of the relationship with a couple she connected with and met. While non-traditional, Emily was able to experience the deeper emotional relationships that develop between a couple and her own deeper emotional ideas of intimacy.

Turning Point
Honest and positive life changes came from Emily’s experience with the couple. Hear her describe how that non-traditional but honest experience she sought out helped her better understand the importance of pursuing relationships that are more emotionally rewarding and honest because they include the possibility of rejection.

An App Experience
Change in viewpoint, change in pursuits. While Emily had previously used dating apps in her college life, she never really took it seriously. However, after her threesome experience, she developed her intentions, commitment, and bravery to finding and pursuing what she really wanted.

Underlying Insecurities
Progress and emotional states, hear as Emily describes that while she has made progress with her personal relationships, there still exists some of her fundamental insecurities that she continues to work on.

Sexual Understanding
Listen as Emily describes her sexually open upbringing which provided her with a strong foundation and understanding of sex. She emphasizes that key emotional ingredients lie in the differences between theory and practice, or “smelling the food vs. tasting the food”.

Developing the Hunger
Healthy happy sex and developing relationships, Emily highlights the development of her understanding and desires of sex and relationships through her creative metaphor of food.

The Lesson
Emily summarizes that it is essential for personal development and relationships that it is necessary to“ask for what you want and put yourself out there.” And that risk is a necessary component of achieving your personal desires.


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Jessa Zimmerman

Jessa Zimmerman is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. On Better Sex, she and her expert guests share their insights, strategies, and ways of thinking about sex that will help you improve your intimate relationship.