#49: Stephen [Personal Story] – Tantra for Healing

It is time for another personal story. As always, on my show, I like to shine a spotlight on important stories from people who need to tell them. These personal stories offer fresh perspectives on subjects that should be discussed, listened to, ponder over, and written about. And my guest has a story that to my knowledge has never been told before.

Stephen Gregory is a teacher of Tantra, a psychotherapist for marriages and families, and an author of the book, Sex Death & Tantra: How sex saved my life after death. And within this episode, he tells the powerful tale of how the principles of Tantra gave him the ability to experience the full, life-shattering aspects of his late husband’s death, but at the same time, move past the hardest moments of the grieving process through its healing powers.
Listen along and experience a story that is unlike anything you have probably ever heard.

The Impetus for Writing Sex Death & Tantra
While going through the grieving process for his late husband, Stephen started what would go on to become a very powerful healing process for himself. Because he has his master’s in Grief and Loss, Stephen figured himself to be an expert on the grieving process; but it wasn’t until he actually went through an extreme tragedy that he felt he had a more complete understanding. There is a definite difference between book knowledge and real-life experience, and he used his hurt to mark the beginning of an experiment that would prove to be the subject matter of his book. He also points out that usually, our greatest strengths are the results of our deepest wounds, which is just one of the many powerful things he touches upon in this episode.

The Beginning of the Story: Tantra Revised
Because of Stephen’s sexual orientation, the traditional tantric practices were not applicable to him, nor were they as powerful. Instead, he actively sought out a teacher who could cater to his sexual orientation. Eventually, he found one. And it was through this relationship that the seeds were planted for his eventual healing. Listen along and hear it in Stephen’s own words.

It Sort of Just…Happened
About a month after his husband’s death, Stephen started exploring a deep sexual relationship with his Tantric teacher. It was after being embraced by his teacher, in his deep mourning, that he began to confront feelings of arousal coupled with the intense sadness he was suffering through.

The result of this would lead Stephen to experience the full power of the principles of Tantra in practice. Through a greater understanding, through the traveling of the energy below his waist upwards to his heart, an outpouring of emotion was achieved. It was as if he was truly grieving, yet avoiding the depression that accompanies tragic loss. It was as if he was staying in touch with his deceased husband (through their shared Tantric experiences), but was healing at the same time. This paradoxical state was rife with tension and the seemingly unrelated feeling of release. But both opposing states provided counterweights and balances that complemented the entire act and philosophy of Tantra.

To learn much more about all of this, listen along and then buy Stephen’s book where all of this is laid out in much more detail. The link is below.

The Intensive Process of Documenting this Experience
During the interview, Stephen says that the whole process took about a year. And this was an everyday activity, often starting at 4:30 in the morning. Both he and his Tantra teacher would document everything. For more on the very exhaustive but necessary means to which he worked towards, listen in.

Misconceptions About the Process
He says that there will always be those who have knee-jerk reactions to the story, thinking that he only used sex as a distractor; but for anyone who reads Sex Death & Tantra, it would be pretty much impossible to think so afterward. This is the real deal.

A Take Home Message
Stephen wants to remind listeners that you shouldn’t be afraid of pleasure. It has many healing properties and is one of the most powerful tools for the grieving process. But this is just a fragment of what he says during the end of the interview. Really listen along and be attentive to what he says. You won’t regret it.

Link to Stephen Gregory’s book:
Sex Death & Tantra – https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Death-Tantra-changed-after/dp/0998281786

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Jessa Zimmerman

Jessa Zimmerman is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. On Better Sex, she and her expert guests share their insights, strategies, and ways of thinking about sex that will help you improve your intimate relationship.